God killed Amir.
That sounds heretical, coming from a Ramaz student and a Yeshiva boy, but that is how I feel.
God also saved my life. Most victims of car rollovers either die, are paralyzed, require amputations, or suffer permanent brain damage. I am unscathed.
God let me live.
Here I am faced with a question that is impossible to answer, which is, why did God kill Amir and save me? Amir was so much more worthy of life than I was, and tons more worthy of life than most people out there. Here is my case and point:
1. When Amir was dying, he said two things to the emergency worker: “I am an organ donor”, and “I had a friend Jonathan with me in the car. Make sure he is alright”. Amir, you are dying. You are so selfless to think of others who can use your organs, and are so selfless to think of me!
2. Environmentalist. Amir loved the outdoors. So much so that he would never ride in any transportation except for a bicycle. Not only that, but when he witnessed people littering, he would have the guts to chastise them. It was more important for him to care for the environment than to care what people thought of him.
3. Big brother. Amir was involved in the big brother program. He was big brother to several African American poor children in New York City, and spent time with them, taught them how to ride bicycles, and how to play frisbee.
4. Leader. Amir was charismatic around his friends and created an entire ultimate frisbee football league. Tons of people now have a league dedicated to their hobby thanks to Amir.
5. Computer Programmer. Amir had intense potential to revolutionize the field of computer science applied towards education. That would have improved the lives of so many struggling students around the world.
The list goes on. I cannot understand why God would take a man like Amir. I suppose it is because God loved Amir so much, He wanted to be with him.
There were so many things I envied about Amir. One thing was that everybody liked him. Everyone tried to get his attention. That was because Amir had such a charming personality, and always had something interesting and passionate to say. Encountering Amir was like having your back scratched- it just felt good. He just made you feel good. Also, Amir was very focused on what he would be doing. For instance, in creating his ultimate league, he would be on the phone and at his computer for hours on end. He knew that he would succeed, it was just a matter of him converting that knowledge into action. Amir had tremendous self-confidence. He never cared to be dressed snazzily or trendily; he was aware of the inherent superficiality of clothing and appearances. Why should he care about his surface when his inner person was so intensely vivid and likeable? Amir came from an extremely respected, intelligent family. Both of his parents went to Ivy League schools, and he and his two siblings did as well. Ramaz was easy for Amir. He got into Brown without doing much work in Ramaz, because he was so naturally brilliant.
So what can I do now that God has taken my best friend? I can try my best to incorporate his qualities into my own. I can try to become more charismatic, more self-confident, less superficial, smarter, and more focused. All those things came natural to him, and he was always there to impress me with those attributes. I miss Amir too much to allow all his qualities to pass on as well. Alas, I cannot replace him, nor can anyone else in the world. But Amir, I will try to be like you.