I would like to begin my speech by reciting some things that Amir wrote, along with my comments, interpretations, and memories. I knew Amir extremely well. He never allowed his deep thoughts to remain in his brain; he always had to share them with somebody. Because we were so close and because I was so often around him, I think I have a good take on the meanings and of the context of the things that he said.
Amir wrote this in his essay to Stanford, in his application to the program of Learning and Technology:
“I believe that computers and technology hold great potential in helping teachers meet this challenge and this is where I feel I can make a contribution. It is my belief that there is potential in modern computer technology to make elementary and high-school education far more engaging. At Teacher’s College, I would like to use my technical skills to explore these possibilities.”
I remember when we were in third grade at Moriah. It was 1985. Amir was nine or ten. One day, Mrs. Einhorn supervised us as we used the Apple IIe computers in Mr. Rand’s computer room. Amir, who was known for having sloppy handwriting, typed a lot faster than most students in his class. Amir was an expert in Gertrude’s Puzzles, the game we played that day. Most notably, Amir was a wizard at using The Print Shop, and he used the software to make a banner that said “Happy Birthday, Mrs. Einhorn” with a beautiful cake graphic. Mr. Rand the computer teacher was impressed. Even Mrs. Einhorn, who always yelled at Amir, was impressed, and I think she hugged him. Mrs. Einhorn did her weekly spot check of the desks to make sure the desks were cleaned. Usually, she dumped Amir’s desk because it was too messy, and blew her whistle repeatedly. Amir usually made a frowning face. That day, however, she simply passed over his desk and did not dump it. Amir smiled. He beamed that day, because everyone in class treated him as this computer superman. Amir said how easy the stuff was, and we all thought he was a genius, more of a genius than we thought of him previously.
One of my first impressions of Amir is thus exactly what he wrote in his essay: He writes that he believes computers should be more utilized in elementary school, which is something he clearly felt eighteen years before. “It is my belief that there is potential in modern computer technology to make elementary school education far more engaging”, he says. That was the chief part of elementary school that engaged Amir. It was so rare for us to use computers. It was so rare for Amir to be engaged. However, the few times we did use computers, Amir became a superman. He became engaged. He realized even at age nine that there is something powerful and engaging about using computers. At age 27, Amir felt it was time to actualize this. This is why he wanted to go to Stanford.
This triggers another memory. It was in Mr. Berman’s computer class in senior year at Ramaz, in 1994. The class was in Pascal. I remember Amir just plowed ahead in the books remarking how he studied arrays last week and today he is up to procedures and functions. I did not have a clue what he was talking about, but I smiled politely as he discussed all about Pascal with glee and excitement and passion. I thought to myself, “Gee, how nerdy. Amir is smart, but he is so obsessed with this computer stuff, that the girls will be turned off.” Amir gathered enough Pascal knowledge to create a program that determined how cool you were. It asked you lots of questions, and the questions were different depending on how you answered. The questions were like, “Who is cooler, Kurt Cobain, Beavis, or Butthead?” If you answered Beavis you scored very low, because Beavis was a conformist to Butthead. The program actually gained popularity. I noticed people flocking to Amir’s desk to play with this program. I noticed that pretty girls in the class manifested a certain attraction to Amir. I did not understand it then. How does nerdiness attract looks? How is a computer programmer attractive? I could not answer that question until fall 1997, during my freshman year of college, when I decided to major in computer science due to the popularity of the internet, and subconsciously I think it was to try to emulate Amir, who became a computer science major the previous year. I realized the attractiveness of computer programming then. I realized the art of it then, the art which makes it beautiful, which makes it attractive. Throughout my three years as a CS major, I always took a certain pride in what I was doing because I was then aware of how attractive of a subject it was. Amir attracted people as a computer scientist because of the way his computer science manifested itself as art. I was inspired, and perhaps the world was inspired, which is why today, doing computer oriented things, like building web sites, or making blogs, or downloading MP3’s, is considered hip, cool, trendy, and beautiful, and related to art. Amir expressed this a few years before the rest of the world figured it out, he was that precocious. I have no doubt that Amir would have beautified computers even more, to a segment of the population that were not experiencing the beauty of computers- elementary school children. In the late 1960’s, Ed Palmer revolutionized the way pre-schoolers learn by being involved in Sesame Street. He noticed how kids watch TV and made the Sesame Street program accordingly. Amir chose the School of Education so he could get a similar opportunity to revolutionize the way in which elementary school children learn.
Now I am going to read a poem that Amir wrote entitled “Reflections on Infinity”. I remember when Amir wrote this in Ramaz:
Stuck behind glass walls,
There is no light outside.
Or maybe it’s just a hell of a lot
Brighter in here.
So I see me and my reflection,
And over again.
Reflection upon reflection,
Until I am very small,
In repetition, and still shrinking,
Into that oblivion Called ‘Infinity’.
Waiting, straining, to see into that verifiable
Everything
Where all is nothing.
Where framed in these portals of eternity,
I am no more.
Until my head gets in the way.
As many of you know who have been to Amir’s house, his downstairs bathroom has two opposite mirrors. Thus when you look into the wall, you see yourself reflected to Infinity. The problem is that it is very hard to view this Infinity without your head getting in the way. The glass walls are the mirrors. The fact that there is no light outside means it is inside an indoor room. The “Waiting, straining to see into that verifiable everything” is the attempt to see the reflections ad infinitum. “Where all is nothing” refers to how the reflections get smaller and smaller as they accumulate. I know that in high school, Amir had this obsession with infinity. He told me all about infinity, about Aleph 0, and c, and how c is a greater infinity than Aleph 0. Why was he so obsessed with infinity? Because he wanted to be infinite! He wanted infinite potential. Infinite ability. He felt he had that power within him. And his frustration at being unable to clearly see the infinity was his frustration at being unable to fully actualize infinite potential. He realized he was, in fact, finite. So then what? Did he give up and say, “Because I cannot be infinite, I quit.”? No. Amir was modest. He realized he could only be finite, but he tried to fully actualize every cell, every single atom, of his finite being. He aspired to infinity even though he understood his own finitude.
This relates to the very first time I met Amir. This memory is as vivid as the last time I met Amir, which is when I fell asleep in the car, at around 1:30. I was in first grade, in 1982. I was sitting by the side of the Moriah building during the end of recess. Amir and Benjy came over to me and Benjy said, “Amiris, listen to this guy: Tell me what the highest number is.” So I replied, “Googol Plex”. Benjy said, “No, it is a million.” And Amir said, “No. It is a hundred. Nothing is higher than a hundred.” And Amir had a puzzling look on his face, as if to imply that the very question itself is problematic. Amir realized at that point when he was six, something that he clarified to me over the next twenty one years: there is simply no such thing as a highest number. Even at this early age, Amir’s mind was toying and experimenting with the concept of infinity. Infinity was one of Amir’s passions. It is why he capitalized this word in the poem Reflections on Infinity.
Right now, Amir is experiencing infinity without his head getting in the way.