I keep having dreams about Amir. In the most recurring dream, I am able to meet Amir and talk with him. Then my friends, observing my conversation, say to me, “Jon, who are you talking to?” And I reply, “To Amir! He is alive! Amir is alive!” to which they say, “Jon, you are talking to yourself. Jon, you need help. I am sorry, but Amir is no longer with us.” I am still in shock. I have been in shock since I found out about Amir’s fate. I was in Healthsouth Rehabilitation Center in Las Vegas, the date was April 15 or 16, and I thought Amir was still in a coma, or was too frightened to call me because he was worried I would be angry that he caused me to be hospitalized. This time, instead of asking my parents, “Where is Amir? Why doesn’t he call me already? I won’t be mad at him, I’d love to hear him!” I asked them, “Did Amir die?” to which they replied, “Yes”.
I was Amir’s passenger. I was ejected from the vehicle as it rolled over and I survived. My name is Jonathan. Amir and I were and are best friends. Sara Lopatin loved Amir. Shoshana loved Amir. Uri loved Amir. Lisa Rosenblatt loved Amir. I loved Amir. All 1000+ people at the funeral loved Amir. But sometimes I thought I loved Amir the most, and he loved me the most. We were best friends in a way that it is rare to find amongst males. He told me all his secrets and I told him mine. I knew what Amir thought about everything.
I will forever be guilty that I survived, and will forever be sad that Amir did not. I could imagine him taking a leadership role in heaven, and all the girls in heaven will like him the way the girls on planet Earth liked him. I wonder if he met God up there. I am sure if he did, God apologized. I am mad that God allowed Amir to die, I may even say God killed him, but that is balanced with my thanksgiving to God that he saved my life. Maybe if Orthodox is a Jew who is always thankful to God, and reform is a Jew who is always angry at God, then I am conservative, since I am thankful to God for my life but angry at God for taking Amir’s life.