amirlopatin

Haven’t given up on our conversation

Hi Amir,

I knew you’re out there somewhere in the Great Beyond, or whatever the term is that you use for it. I just thought that I would let you know that I’m still thinking about you and the conversation that we had in a Stanford parking lot late one night about our long-term goals. You’ve reached your ultimate goal in where you want to be, and I can only hope to join you there one day.

In the meantime, I thought I would share both an interview that I gave to a newspaper in Cyprus that describes my conflict-resolution idea – https://www.reportfromcyprus.com/Peace%20thru%20education.htm – and my updated sites, https://www.jerusalemsolution.org and https://www.cyprussolution.org .

I miss you. – Mills

Ramaz

Below are excerpts from a letter Amir kept in a file folder labelled “funny stuff.” The letter is dated April 26, 1993 and was written by a member of the Ramaz administration exasperated by Amir’s failure to conform with the Ramaz dress code. I love that Amir kept this letter, and I have to admit I am proud of my little brother for keeping the combine on its toes.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lopatin

It has been a longstanding tradition at Ramaz that students come to school on Yom Haatzmaut dressed in bigdei chag, the kind of clothes that they would wear on a yom tov . . . at the very least, the vast majority of male students come dressed in white shirts and ties.

Unfortunately, Amir came to school today dressed in blue jeans and a flannel shirt and tie. The dress code clearly states that dress shirts and required and any color of jeans is forbidden any day of the year, let alone on a day such as this. More important was the attitude he presented when asked about his attire. His responses ranged from alleged ignorance about dress code requirements …. to his insistence that he believes it is more important how he behaves than how he dresses. This is not the first time I have had discussions with Amir about the dress code or other issues. His attitude is frequently argumentative and unbending. I do not begrudge him his philosophical views; yet I must insist that the school’s rules be enforced and that the boundaries of appropriate behavior are not crossed.

I write you now to inform you of today’s incident and the sense of frustration that comes with it….

my thoughts

I have just lost a father and on seeking information on laws of mourning I came upon this wonderful website. I should say I also lost a sister at the tender age of 31. She was my best friend , my…well my Amir. Well loved, young aspiring mother etc. I remember the line of cars on the way to the cemetary stretched beyond site. Reading the stories, eulogies, poems, thoughts on the site only bring back the feeling of intense loss. Intense doesn’t begin to describe it really. My fathers recent death and my sisters death ,now 19 years ago are a painful reminder of our fragile existence here. It took me many years to forget the pain of her loss, only to be conjured back with another close death. The blessing you have done by posting this site with its heart fealt emotion surely is Amir’s n’shama, his will, giving solace to others he never even knew. May your pain and sorrow be short and his spirit live forever.

I. James Quillen Fellowship

Amir was supported in his graduate studies at Stanford by the James and Viola Quillen Fellowship. James Quillen served as Dean of Stanford’s Graduate School of Education from 1952-1966, and is known for raising the school from a regional teacher and administrator training program to the preeminent research institution that it is today. I remember Amir working diligently on this thank you letter, which is dated the month he died. Amir was incredibly grateful for the financial assistance he received, which went a long way in helping him to fulfill his goals. This is why the Amir Lopatin Memorial Fund will seek to offer similar assistance in the future.

March 2004

Dear Ms. Gangloff,

I am a recipient of the I. James Quillen fellowship at Stanford University. I want to let you know how grateful I am for your family’s generosity and the opportunity it has given me to study at this great institution. I hope to contribute to the legacy of scholarship Dean Quillen left imprinted here.

My studies so far have been focused on the intersection between education and technology. For example, I am currently researching how computers may be used to improve reading comprehension within electronic documents. I am also very interested in the threats and possibilities that interactive video games present to the field of education.

Before coming here, I received my bachelors degree in computer science from Brown University. I then went to work as a software engineer for four years where I specialized in user-interface design, graphics, and data visualization technologies. It is my goal to use the skills I gained as a professional programmer and apply them to the field that I feel poses the most interesting, important and rewarding challenges: education.

I realize how privileged I am to be here and I want to reiterate my gratitude to your family both for Dean Quillen’s role in making the School of Education the great place it is, as well as for the generosity that makes it possible for me to study here.

Sincerely,

Amir Lopatin

On your second yarzheit

I was thinking of you on your second yarzheit. The pain is deep. It hurts inside to know that you are gone. Your emptiness is felt like a presence. I feel a deep sorrow and grief. The words are not coming, but the pain is there. May your memory be a blessing and a source of strength to everyone you touched.

Rivers

Like rivers, there are pains that are deep, and pains that are wide, and pains that are both. While I am sure that all brothers feel this way, I should tell you , Amir, that your presence in my life was both wide and deep. Likewise my love. And likewise my pain.
I still talk to you, and Dad, but I wish I could hear your answers better.
I miss you.
I Love You.
Uri

Moshava 1990

I’m sitting here on the day of Amir’s yahrzeit holding a squirmy little girl named after him. Mira is now 10 months, 21 lbs, and 29 inches. We’ve spent the afternoon trying to find old emails from Amir and trying to remember old stories that I can share. The stories that I remember generally involve a subset of the 5 of us (Amir, Jon, Allon, Mo and I) playing some (innocent or not so) prank followed by extreme remorse and atonement on Amir’s part and no remorse from us. One story I can share is about that photograph of Amir and I, back-to-back, from Moshava in the summer of 1990. Amir and I were in the same bunk for August and we became friends very quickly, setting off fireworks and smokebombs together in the empty bunks near the lake. My memory is a bit fuzzy on this story, but I think what happened was that Amir and I showed up dressed inappropriately (not wearing the required dress pants and white shirt) for the before-shabbas camp-wide gathering by the flagpole, and we were sent back to change. We changed into our “tough guy” clothes (leather jacket, baseball cap worn backwards, shorts and t-shirts) and came back. They made us stand in the middle of the giant “Chet” as punishment so we defied them again by standing back-to-back. David Honig took that photo so maybe he remembers the story better or differently. Anyway we felt no remorse for that one. I love that photo because it marked the beginning of a long friendship where we took a lot of philosophical (and sophomoric) stands together. These days the stand I’m taking with Amir is trying to better our country’s educational system. When I get frustrated with teaching I remember that just like that day in Moshava – Amir has my back.

The joy that only Ultima 0 can bring

Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 17:35:21 -0500
To: “Elijah Kaufman”
From: “Amir Lopatin”
Subject: Re:

Nu what? did you send me a letter? the last letter I got from you was… requesting that I ask out Sara ___. I did it too. Me and sara went out last night. SHe was nice and all, but… I had a pretty good time though.
I have to go now. I just got my Ultima collection in the mail from Origin.
It has every ultima in it from 0-8 . All for 35 bucks!
-amir

On the life of an artist

To: elijah_kaufman
Date: Mon, 23 Feb 1998 23:43:10 -0500

Be realistic man, you are not going to be happy beign a professional sculpture. YOu will be too poor. You will be very hungry and cold all the time. Get your parents to pay for the MS course and pass it and live like a king!
shalom habibi,
-amir

On the value of a college degree

Date: Sun, 01 Feb 1998 11:48:01 -0500
To: “Elijah Kaufman” <@mail.slc.edu>
From: “Amir Lopatin” <@brown.edu>

Hey Eli,
Its great that you are going to graduate. Not that that is really worth much these days. You probably would have done just as well to become a Microsoft certified engineer right out of college, worked 9 to 5 for 50 -70 grand a year and spent the rest of your time sculpting. As for me, I am not looking for intellectual fulfillment in my career. All I want is a good salry and time off to pursue my real interests, like computer games, driving fast cars, and making itwith short girls who have ambigously indian names. I think that is the smartest route someone can take.
Everybody here at brown thinks that there job has to be the road to self fulfiilment, but not me, I look forward to a life as a peon for corporate america. Besides though, the truth is that computer work is a lot less drudge than most jobs people take right out of college. So I think becoming a systems engineer, is a great idea. DId you know there are 190k free jobs in the computer industry. The things is that it looks very good to be able to program as well so you should stick with you c++ book. Are you learning Windows programming or just conventional dos like programming? So Whats Eireann like? Why do you only say “kinda with”? Anyways, check out this Sarah girl for me. THe truth is that I have no time to meet women anymore.
I am taking a graduate level cs class that I am too stupid for. I worked about thrity hours on a program that I couldn’t get working last week. I am well on my way to failing and it is only two weeks into the semester. Oy vay!
-amiree
p.s. Thanks for saying that I am good-looking.

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